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| I remember when I was 12, I was still an innocent child. I really tried to be what's stereotyped to be a "good girl" just to please my father and my family. I really did have a kind heart to help my friends out. Then something changed. I realized people weren't as nice as I thought. So I decided to change. There was a rage inside me. Maybe I was born with that artistic temper. I really hated everything that was around me. I couldn't understand why my dad had to divorce my mom. I was living in Shanghai, having moved away from my grandparents and my brother in Hong Kong for a better education. I really grew to hate things and wanted to prove myself. I needed attention, and it all came from my insecurities.
And I moved away from you, God.
I thought you were unfair and I had a million doubts about you. I thought if He really created this world, why is it so imperfect? Is it because He wants to show off what he can fix? How can I trust the stories which the Bible tells?!
I have to admit I did cry a few times when my mom took me to church on Christmas eve - the beautiful sounds of "Gloria" and Christmas songs. Though I still hate the format of church - why do we have to sit there and listen to the pastor for a few hours- read the bible...blah I really fell asleep. My ears were filtered. "BE A CHRISTIAN" is always what they want me to be. I couldn't understand why they are all so obsessed with someone called "God". I always had a thing against my Christian friends - I thought they were so boring, why can't they do whatever they want?
But recently, I've realized I really don't have to follow the rituals of what people set Christianity to be. I think I'm 10% closer to God now. Something weird happened yesterday. I clicked on an interview on Vanesse's change because of God and because of a guy named Jaeson Ma. I remember reading about him last year in a HK tabloid magazine about how he changed Edison's life after the sex scandal. Then I googled this guy's name, left a comment on his blog, and really amazed how he got back to me immediately. Maybe he's the angel that's sent by God? I feel like I can connect to this guy because of his background. He used to be in jail for theft, but he repented and started a new life. I was actually really touched by that story because he could just have turned away and not turn himself in to the police.
I can't say I'm fully in love with you yet, God. But I really thank you for guiding me through in the last two weeks. When I had self doubt and when I had no directions in life, you've shown me the path, you've given me courage, you've given me love, you've given me a great family and friends. I really have to thank you.
In Jesus's name, Amen!
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| why are people so dependent?
why can't they find out the answers by themselves?
this is fucking annoying. | | |
| Audrey -
Last time I went for an assessment - I almost cried and thought I had no hope
During the last two weeks, I held myself together and fought for it
Today, Audrey -
"We've found hope in the class"
"These are lovely!!!"
"I've got some knit samples in Claire's room,if you need any just go take some."
The joke of her being a doctor...
What more of a good teacher could you ever get? The push and the support from her, from a high demanding ex Yohji Yamamoto designer.
I will continue to work hard despite how sleepy I feel. I've learnt so much in the past month, how to pick myself up and walk again. And finally realizing I am just a baby, dying to be exposed to all things in art & fashion world.
I thank God for giving me this opportunity. I thank my parents for praying for me. Their emotional support plays a big part behind all the hard work.
There is a long road to walk | | |
| Think before you say something is what I've learnt today
I've always got so much hate in me
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| I will always be the muggy that you know
02-07 on and off xanga
Here comes number 09
the best place to drip and drop my bits and dots of thoughts
somewhere secretive
i'm going to be a blabber machine and stuff you with visual orgasms | | |
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